How to Beat Obsessive Love and Set Healthy Relationship Boundaries
Vision of Love
Falling in love brings a rush of so many feelings. There are times we feel as though we just can’t get enough of that new person in our lives. When we feel as though we cannot function without him or monitor his activities while we are apart, we cross the line into obsessive love. At the end of a relationship, obsessive love is what drives people to stalk his social media, drive by his house or even live in denial of the breakup.
A few years ago my blog on obsessive love struck a note with so many of my readers that I thought we could take a step further and consider some of the factors that cause all-consuming love and how to triumph over them and create healthy relationship boundaries.
Unresolved Issues From Childhood Abandonment or Attachment Disorder.
If your early experience of relationships was of loss or pain you may be driven to hold more tightly to those you love so that you do not lose them. Healthy Relationships involve being able to have your own lives and space. When positive self-talk and managing your anxiety on your own do not work it is time to consult a life coach and work to build your coping skill set so that you can set healthy relationship boundaries.
Unresolved Issues From Past Romantic Relationships.
A difficult or devastating relationship from your past, especially one where trust was an issue, may carry over into current relationships making it hard for you to see the current relationship clearly. Work to limit your focus to what is happening in the now so you can overcome obsessive love and create healthy boundaries.
Depression.
When we are depressed motivation becomes difficult leading us to focus on what is present in our lives. The desire to be rescued by our loved ones become stronger. Before we can really have healthy relationships and boundaries we must be healthy ourselves. Hypnosis and other forms of therapy can help work through these feelings.
Internet Sources Can Provide Too Much Information
Too Many Sources of Information.
Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and multiple internet sources can provide too much information on our loved ones. An excessive focus on gathering information can lead to obsessive love. Limit your screen time if these sources are too tempting.
Low Self Esteem.
One of the many ways low self-esteem can sabotage you is by making you feel that you don’t deserve the person in your life which, in turn, can make you want to hold on more tightly. Work to build your own interests and separate life to increase your self-esteem.
NLP can serve as a valuable tool to help in your journey.
Boredom.
When your own life is not full enough you place too much importance on relationships. Start a hobby, take a class, increase your workouts. Filling your own life with things you enjoy will help you to create healthy relationship boundaries.
Small Social Circle.
Feelings of obsessive love can take hold when we have too few social outlets and our energies become too directed to one person. Healthy boundaries in relationships need a variety of outlets to maintain a good balance.
“Depression is the inability to construct a future.”-Rollo May
Focus on Fantasy.
When our beliefs and expectations about relationships are too rooted in the vision of love offered by Disney, Romantic Comedy, and porn we have seen, we can fall into patterns of obsessive love trying to make real-life match those pictures. Remember that none of us is that perfect person and your relationship is two real people dealing with real-life situations.
Need for Control.
Obsessive tendencies and a strong need for control in other aspects of life can spill over into relationships. Recognizing this tendency in yourself can help you to fight off the feelings of the need to control in your relationship. Life coaching can help to create healthier ways to cope with these feelings.
Secondary Gain.
Is there someone in your life you can turn to when feelings such as these surface? Is there a family member, treasured friend, or your loved one who pays extra attention to you when you feel this way? It is important to create healthy relationship boundaries. Feelings of obsessive love will sabotage your relationships over time.
