Is It Better to Be Right or Happy?
Diffusing Arguments May Make Your Life Happier.
It doesn’t take much observation to realize how difficult it is to find things that make your life happier.
Many thought a perfect college education would do the trick only to learn, far too late, that the associated debt has robbed them of their happiness.
Then, it’s on to the perfect relationship. Certainly, that will make me happy. Sexy boyfriend, hot girlfriend, wedding bells, honeymoon, first apartment, and maybe a baby on the way. No doubt these things will make life happier, right?
Certainly, my profession will tip the scales and give me the happy life I desire? If I work hard and make loads of money then I’ll be happy?
Today’s cultural demands make happiness elusive. We’ve placed our faith in so many things that have, over the years, let us down. Patterns have developed in how we view the world and certain feelings of “brokenness” linger. Many are so disturbing we bury them making them, and us, “unconscious” as noted by Dan Mager, MSW.
Whether conscious or unconscious we face the challenge of dealing with ourselves and how we interact with the world.
Typically, these interactions fall into three categories: Our work, our friends and our romantic relations. Let’s look at the choices available to us as we seek to resolve tensions around life’s key pressure points.
“…I’d far rather be happy than right any day.” Douglas Adams from “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy”
At Work:
Being “right” in front of our peers, colleagues, and subordinates is a heavy load to carry.
Demanding of ourselves and those around us that every outcome features us as the prevailing party sets us up for certain failure.
Might the same energy be better spent on building relationships that support and nurture rather than place unrealistic expectations on our own behavior and those around us?
Might diffusing a volatile situation prove the most important business decision you make all week?
Might the idea of creating a work environment, that celebrates our individuality and highlights our abilities to function as a team, be the best investment to make your life happier? Not for ourselves but for every person we meet.
If we look at the quality of life found in the 10 Happiest Countries on Earth we get some idea of the far-reaching benefits of happiness.
With Friends:
People who know us better than anyone make up our closest circle of friends; our BFF’s, our very best friends.
At times we can’t live without them but there are other times when we’d just as soon they disappear.
The people closest to us know our buttons better than anyone. They know our sensitive sides; they know how to get under our skin.
But, let’s not forget; that road runs both directions. We know their hot-buttons. We know their sensitive sides and we certainly know how to get under their skin.
So, when things blow up between good friends it’s no exaggeration to say that things can get messy.
But why let things reach the boiling point? Wouldn’t heading off a major blowup be the better choice even if it meant choosing happiness over being right all the time?
I think it would….and I’d guess your blood-pressure level would agree too.
In Romantic Relations:
If we believe the stakes to be high when dealing with our closest friends imagine what’s at stake with the person we’re closest too. Whether you’re dating, engaged, newly married or been at this for years; there are no secrets from the person we’re sharing our life with.
The choices we make when tensions run high in the incubator of love are far-reaching.
There’s a Japanese form of self-defense known as Aikido, also known as the “Art of Peace”. A key principle behind this practice is that of re-directing your opponents’ energies rather than meeting them head-on.
This translates into a wonderfully useful system for handling interactions that have the potential to be volatile.
“You can use the three steps in an Aikido move in your verbal differences:
Evade
Align
Enter
Evade: Let the other person’s behavior go by once or twice to see if he stops on his own.
Align: Let the other person know that you want to be on her side by validating points and showing her that you’re at least hearing what she’s saying. (This does not mean you have to agree with everything.)
Enter: Establish boundaries by stating the behavior you expect from the other person.” (Hat tip to Mike Goulding)
Redirecting energy that might have spun into conflict is a proactive way to move towards happiness rather than digging in your heals and “being right”.
You’ll both benefit from this approach.
A Decision You Can Live With:
As I’ve said before having thriving relationships is possible.
It takes focus, energy, and commitment but, the payoff is enormous.
Colleagues who know and respect you. Friends who admire and trust you. And a spouse or partner and family who believe in what you stand for and support you completely. Not bad gig, if you ask me.
Some would even say it will make your life happier.
Anyone care to find out for themselves?
