Am I in an abusive relationship?
Life is short.
Relationships take time. The question then remains, “When do you know that it is time to walk away from a relationship that is just not working, or not healthy?” There is no easy answer, but there are some things that can help you decide whether or not a continued investment of time and life is worth it when it comes to your situation.
Does the Cost Outweigh the Benefit?
Relationships should enrich both parties. If you find yourself with someone who is high maintenance, with little or no return, then it might be time to walk away. Abusive relationships tend to be like this. The abuser will guilt the one being abused into feeling like they “can’t” leave the relationship because of what will happen to the abuser if they do. Don’t fall for that. Quality relationships involve give and take. If you are constantly giving, and never receiving, you need to question whether or not the other person really desires a relationship, or simply a free ride.
Now, on the other hand, every relationship will have struggles. When you face difficulties, look at the benefits of being with that individual. If you are enriched by the other person’s involvement in your life, then it might be worth fighting through the tough stuff for the sake of the greater long-term gain. Only you can know which of the two situations you are in.
Are You Being Abused?
All abuse is wrong. There is no excuse for someone to abuse another individual. This type of behavior can take many forms. Just because you are not being physically harmed, does not mean abuse is not taking place. Abuse can be:
- Physical
- Emotional
- Sexual
- Psychological
Do not waste your life with someone who is abusive. If you feel that you are being harmed, intimidated, controlled, or manipulated, then it is time to get out: period. You are too valuable to stay in an abusive relationship. There is someone out there who would love to interact with you on the basis of love and mutual respect. Don’t settle for an abuser.
It is Healthy?
Sometimes certain people seem to bring out the worst in us. They are not abusive, and they are not takers, in that sense of the word. They are simply the kind of person with whom we seem to find ourselves doing things we know are not healthy or good. We may really like that individual. In fact, we will probably like them a lot. Still, if you find yourself in a relationship in which you feel that you are compromising your values or beliefs; it is probably better to sever it now.
Seek out those relationships that support and enhance your values and beliefs. No relationship is worth being untrue to yourself, because, at the end of the day, you need to like the person you see in the mirror.
Trust Your Gut
We can usually tell when a relationship is not working. Many times we just keep going to avoid having to face the reality of our mistakes. Trust yourself. If you need to end it and walk away, do it. If necessary, seek some support from a trusted friend or mentor.
Have you ever wondered if it was time to walk away from a relationship in your life? Where did you find the courage to move ahead? What fears did you have to face, and how did reality line up with those fears. I would love for you to leave a comment and let me know about your decision and struggle. Someone else reading this may need the encouragement you have to offer.
